Saturday, around noon, I took back a package UPS delivered to us again, instead of to one street over where it belonged.

By the time it took me to walk from the house to the car, then drive around the corner, walk up someone’s driveway, and back to the car in 90+ degrees (with an obvious 4000% humidity level), I was exhausted. Seriously, I had trouble walking back to the car after dropping off the misdelivered package.

Sometimes I can’t believe how little it takes to go from “normal neighbor” to “disoriented and stumbling neighbor.”

Tonight will be dose #2 of 1ml. In hindsight, the noon after the first shot was probably a poor choice of neighborly timing.  In hindsight, I should’ve just called UPS and had them come pick it back up themselves. These are all ideas that I imagine will be common sense as the future sallies forth — until then, I need to watch myself. Despite all my fancy book learnin’, I find I can be an awfully dim bulb.

It seems like I’ve taken to scheduling my life as much as I can around things either beyond my control, or surprisingly within it. I’m still on that fantastic 4-star voyage of discovery — is it the Betaseron? That is, after all, what needing to take Short Term Dis was all about. Will my emotions stabalize, will my sight ever be a little less of a guessing game?

I find it kinda… gross… that I don’t know how to put myself first. For me to be “lucky enough” to have a disability that gives you a “take it easy… it’s good for you!” card, and be ill-equipped to handle the terrible pressure of being good to yourself?

What on earth is wrong with me.

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