Got back from the Neuro-Opthamologist yesterday with pupils dilated and a confused heart.

I like her a lot, she talked with me, listened, asked questions — everything I’ve ever wanted a doctor to be! Buuuuuuuut I won’t see her again for at least a year because, guess what, I’VE APPARENTLY NEVER HAD OPTIC NEURITIS IN MY LIFE. My eyes, themselves, are both in pretty healthy shape. The nerves behind each? Pristine, virginal, vibrant.

This is both good news (in that my eyes, themselves, are in great condition) and ________ news. Dr. Waller talked with me about what optic neuritis meant, and I have apparently gotten some not-exactly-precise information on it from my own internet (*gasp* no, really!?). My symptoms are strictly caused by Uhthoff’s Phenomenon responding by aggravating lesions on my occipital lobe (vision), and in no way related to optic neuritis. So, um, it seems like I’m getting a preview of just how random my MS will be based on that. It’s like a movie trailer — starring over 40 lesions in various cameos.

I’ve called my Beta Nurse (well, not Jody but RuthAnn, close enough), and talked for a while about how many general symptoms can flare during titration. But, no, vision loss had never been one. Of course, though, every case of MS is different, and this could just be my Betaseron “experience.”

And if my “natural, god-given” symptoms want to manifest as a heat intolerance so severe it blinds me, well, I’ll just have to avoid the heat. Forever.

If they manifest as a loss of fine motor skills, well, ____. Forever.

If they manifest as a ______, well, ____. Forever.

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