Doom and/or Gloom

Wow, guys. Today welcomed yet another bout of strife that ran for its title of “straw which breaks the camel’s back.” There are good reasons to be optimistic in life; really, what other choice is there? But getting jacked around by the NC Employment Security Commission by way of discrepancies between mail and the internet is really the last thing I need on a day where I spend hundreds of dollars on medical care. Stress is a killer for those of us with a stress-activated conditions so I do try to maintain a zen-like state for the majority of my waking moments.

But I am only human. Dreadfully, stolidly human. And for each and every one of us stress turns the mind against the body and vice versa. You might cry when you’re stressed, feel more tired or angry, lose clumps of air or have wicked bad canker sores. Every human body experiences the finer details of life differently. When I am over-stressed, my motor skills become more difficult to engage, the dizziness I experience 24/7 heightens, fatigue drops  like a piano from a skyscraper and my cognitive abilities become vitiated (kind of like being really drunk, but way way less fun).

Even in times of limited stress I am dizzy and clumsy. Sitting, like quoth the prophet Ralph Wiggum “is where I’m a viking.” I can drive much better than I can walk, and generally have more command over what faculties I do have when I am seated and facing the same direction (thanks, computer!).

I would dearly like more days at a higher quality of existence than I am slated to receive, but I understand the overwhelming frailty of human life. Hell, even the healthiest among us could be in a plane crash tomorrow. When I contemplate my own existence, deliberating over its ills eventually leads me, in its roundabout way, to the same conclusion: STFU and live well. I am proud of whatever in me takes me back every time onto that cliff and turns me around; I am grateful to have no deterioration in the universal desire not to die. We all have stories to live and mine may often be a soap opera-style downer, but it is still unfinished. That is the cold best to which any of us can aspire.

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