Time for a Gratitude Adjustment

252768_10151387162897970_111376109_nI forgot, at the completion of my last maudlin post, to finish with a “Gratitude Adjustment.” I am trying to remember to do this at least a few times a week — gratitude improves happiness, and a positive attitude can help improve health. I am depressed sometimes, but as a standard I am almost always anxious… in fact, I am so used to anxiety being my “normal” state that to not feel a baseline level of slight alarm is often more anxiety-inducing.  Because of this, it feels like I move through my days at a pace too fast to maintain. Relaxing is a challenge. “Peaceful” music makes me angry because it is so slow. I need to train myself to slow down; remembering why I am grateful helps do that because it forces me to stop and respect the good things instead of fearing the bad.

  • My 2009 Self Portrait. I think my fingernails (yes they all look like that) sometimes speak more than my face.

    My 2009 Self Portrait. I think my fingernails (yes they all look like that) sometimes speak more than my face.

    Today I am grateful to be finding a little success as a freelance graphic designer. Even pro bono work can go into a portfolio, and I get to do something I love [before? in case?] my vision deteriorates more.

  • I am grateful for what money I can make doing it, because I hate not working. Even a little work is better than feeling like a leech. Working outside the home is no longer an option, but SSDI is still in its third year of appeals.
  • I am grateful for keyboards that can keep up with my mind faster than can a pen in my hand.
  • I am grateful for the good I have found in essential oils. Only having known the little bottles you could pick up by the register at gas stations, I did not realize that the real stuff had health benefits. They have stopped attacks of severe dizziness and photosensitivity that force my eyes closed, healed a years-long mysterious skin condition I had on only one foot, plus they can be used (and used WELL) in cooking! 
  • I am grateful for my mother, father, brothers and nieces.
  • I am grateful every hour of every day for my wife.

…And, see? Now I am smiling. Mission accomplished!

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