Checking One’s Self Before Wrecking One’s Self

12030a (1)I need to write a list to send to my doctor and CC my SSDI attorney. I have had a couple extra both of bad vision days and of ridiculous mood swings. With the latter, it seems that  feeling claustrophobic is a new sensation that my body has yet to fully understand… feeling overwhelmed is now something that can suffocate my cognizant brain. I used to be a scholar and very little is more terrifying than losing the ability to see specific objects alongside the sudden decrease of intellect. Lost in a sea of cotton balls is not the relaxing fun it sounds.

Because sometimes I am afraid, I will defer to what lifts the scope: GRATITUDE ADJUSTMENT!

  • I am grateful for the roasted vegetables in my oven right now.
  • I am grateful for the clean dishes in my dishwasher
  • I am grateful for the loaf of macadamia nut/white chocolate sweet potato bread I made this morning.
  • I am grateful for my wife. More every day. She lives with symptoms of a condition she didn’t have to bear and that are new even to me.
  • I am grateful for blogs being nonjudgmental places to blather in a diary-like fashion.
  • I am grateful for a laptop that allows me access to design programs that can run seamlessly with everyotherdamnedthing that I run.
  • I am grateful for internet access, which helps me stay as much a part of the outside world as possible.

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    He even heard me say that.

  • I am grateful to be the person I am now; even with this whole “progressive disease” thing going on, I have to say the thirties are better than the twenties.
  • I am grateful for my dog — truly, there is little better than Cowboy love.
  • I am grateful for a smart phone because using something poorly can be a chance to learn how to use it better.
  • I am grateful for warm clothes on cold nights. Regulating one’s body temperature is trickier business than for which it is given credit. Now that I can feel temperature again, I am aghast at being… well, knowing that I am uncomfortable like “normal” people.
  • I am grateful for my family. All of those rascals.
  • I am grateful for the ability to sit down with my responsibilities and work through them one at a time. Burying one’s head in the sand about it all will only make the problem worse. The problems as they stand are bad enough already; dealing with them can and will only improve things.
  • I am grateful to be at my lowest ever adult weight and to look good in my clothes.
  • I am grateful to have all of the medication I need right now. I hope others aren’t forthcoming but also know that that might be a pipe dream.
  • I am grateful for art — both my own and for the enormous amount of amazing work that bridges both media and genre.

Ok. So I feel a little better about life now. Time to get those vegetables out of the oven and into our bellies.

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