Just Think of England

no-surgeryIn the eighth grade I suddenly had a tough time seeing Mr. Clark’s notes on the overhead projector. When no doctors knew what to tell my folks I ended up with glasses. The glasses didn’t help, but I got used to the problems imparted by light and fell in love with computers despite it. In high school, keeping my eyes on the page of a book began being difficult; despite that I still got a 5 on my AP English exam (which was a big deal back in that day) and ran the school newspaper (which getting kicked off of and banned from the English classroom hallway in no way related to MS, but is another good story for sometime). In college I did more note-taking and skimming than one might advise; I learned Italian despite that, and I have a BA in Art History despite that. As a young adult I experienced Uhthoff’s Phenomenon for the first time; I began building a career in graphic design despite that.

Today my eyes lose focus and may or may not be amenable to flipping back. They jump from one place to another when I do hold on to focus. I don’t know if my vision’s getting blurrier because of that inability to maintain focus, or just because they’re actively engaging in “normal disease progression.”

Most often my synaesthesia reads the sensations of flickering as white laser-ice-lightning (really — and it’s not always easy to describe that stuff).

996567_10151831512456419_430787398_nPartly I keep this blog to ensure I walk (cane or no) that line between “full-blown depressive autodidact JAMA/internet knowledge” and “complete denial ft. rose-colored glasses and happiness cake.”

Partly I’m assisted by a gently expanding vision deficit; since reading is difficult I no longer pour over medicine articles/journals. Though having faltered with Uhthoff a few times, there’s never been a morning where I’ve woken up completely blind. Most people with MS don’t go completely sightless. So there’s that.

Partly I keep this journal because my memory is terrible.

And partly I kinda dig happiness cake.

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