Pacing the Line

1187232_10151786850704675_1811264003_nMy neuro appointment is next week, but thank you for your time and insistence, Google Calendar, for messing up the day’s scheduling.

Good. This means there will be more than enough time to write down all the worsening/new symptoms. There are a lot of little things that haven’t met the “limited-time-with-doctors-(when-I-can-get-there)” quota, like headaches and neuropathic knives, both of which I’ve become begrudgingly accustomed to over the years.

Yesterday’s second PT appointment was wonderful; I’m thrilled that the environment there is positive, and wants the best for you through care and billing. The morning and afternoon were extra gnarly again (Ampyra side effects?) but I felt markedly better upon exiting the facility around 6pm. That gave me two or so more hours of not-awful before all of my spoons were gone and it was lights out.

Still, it was two hours of silver lining.

Mornings have gotten tricky… upon waking I’ve got up to an hour of relative normalcy before a “spell” sets in. That means I can count on:

  • fatiguecryabetes
  • weakness
  • cog fog
  • bilaterally decreased motor function

and there may likely be guest appearances by:

  • heavy legs
  • weak legs
  • invisible legs
  • Raynaud’s
  • extra jiggly (eye-)balls

This morning, I’ve gotten to sit with my wife and, over coffee, feed a wayward friendly duck that wandered up to the front porch. I don’t feel wonderful, but that did and it’s something I can be happy about.

Unless the cat leaves a pile of duck feathers somewhere. Please, LouLou, be nice.


Debbie Downer: Ever since they found mad cow disease in the US, I’m not taking any chances. They say it can live in your body for up to three years before it attacks and destroys your brain.

But no no, I am in good spirits and will not lose myself in “Debbie Downerisms.”

I’m notorious about that and have brought many social situations to an awkward pause. Mindfully, I advise myself to calm down and hug the dog or something.

What can I do to make myself less angry about my body’s situation? What do you do when you feel overwhelmed by the things you can’t change?

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