Adjust!

multiple-sclerosis-sight-small-75581Today is day #3 stuck in bed. Amantadine isn’t touching the fatigue right now, and the inside of my body is traveled by sharp upside-down-horseshoe-shaped pop rocks. The inside of my head is filled with cotton candy; “cognition” is hardly a word with which I am currently familiar.

Wait, did that last part make sense? If it didn’t, maybe that makes it more illustrative.

Generally I get both pleasure and affirmation from tidying the kitchen, putting away/washing the dishes, setting up the next morning’s coffee/tea pots and cooking dinner. I don’t have a job so it’s important to me to be a good housewife. Today the thought of trying to accomplish those things, let alone shower or start a load of laundry, brings tears to my eyes.

In fact, just admitting to that via keyboard made me tear up. I hate feeling like I’m somewhere in here trying to claw my way out.

Words are hard.

IMG_20140130_103531347

“Cat and Cow[boy]” isn’t just a yoga pose

But I need a GRATITUDE ADJUSTMENT:

  • I am grateful that I will soon have a source of income, even if it is via SSDI.
  • I am grateful that life has brought me to a place where I am surrounded by people who care about my welfare.
  • I am grateful all the time for my family.
  • I am grateful all the time for my wife.
  • I am grateful all the time for Cowboy.
  • I am grateful, if I am relegated to bed, that we have a Roku.
  • I am grateful, if I am relegated to bed, for the internet.
  • I am grateful the pierogies in the freezer that will make dinner easy.
  • I am grateful that my health isn’t worse.
  • I am grateful that Medicare might make it possible to take all (or at least more) of the medications I need.
  • I am grateful for space heaters.
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  1. Stay strong, beautiful. These awful, hard days come and go. They wear very heavy on me when I experience them, too. They try your patience with yourself and the world around you.

    Don’t judge yourself for it. I know that the negativity stems more from frustration and less from you being unkind to yourself, but I think the reminder to be kind to yourself is important.

    Make the very best you can of your time in bed, and when you’re back up to conquer the world, you’ll be able to make the best of that too. *hugs*

    • Thank you, Rae — Knowing something logically and hearing it said to you are two strangely different things, amirite? ❤

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