Fetch the kettle.

Fetch the kettle.

My MRI results returned a verdict of not Stenosis but of Spondylosis. I guess it’s true — I have always been an old soul. It couldn’t be oseteoarthritis at 33 simply by having been a 300lb college student who fell a lot for no (at the time) verifiable reason.  /sarcasm

I’ve got no complaints about the new neurologist I saw while my regular neuro is out of town; complete detachment from another doctor’s patients must have aided her in ways I cannot understand. Two new medications, a visit to an opthalmologist, and a new brain MRI are ordered. If the MRI catches an active lesion, I’ll get IVSM infusions. It was a very cut-and-paste appointment, but I do appreciate how streamlined she seemed to have her visits.

This whole “facial spasms that cause a speech impediment” thing is going to be a new kettle of fish.

formomI guess it’s been a little easier dealing with MS because I have [literally] grown to know it as a largely invisible foe that only I knew; now I’m a kid standing in their underwear in front of a classroom. The first 30 years of my life were spent life desperate to fit in (pun intended) as a chunky girl. Experiencing the difference between being a fat girl and being not even skinny but just average-sized girl has been almost everything I had hoped for — strangers and store merchants no longer regard me on sight with pity or disgust. Will this have just been a brief golden age?

CarrieWill I start getting those looks again if I speak to someone on the street? Will I still be able to enjoy singing along at top volume with songs to which I know all of the words? Will I be able to order Chinese food over the phone anymore?

Even though I have amazing friends and family who I know will not judge me adversely on this new addition to my physical repertoire, I already feel to blame for knowing that they’ll have to accept a new model of myself with even less coherence than the previous.

…but y’know what? The people I love will still love me, strangers’ opinions of me shouldn’t be a primary bother and, maybe most importantly, I know I am not the first with MS or any speech disorder who has felt this same way. I know I will deal with this, survive and find a way to live well.

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