Smart ‘n Sleepy!

i-chose-option-3-which-is-to-quit-reading-the-bookI’m still coming back to a place of understanding with myself after this last big personal circus featuring brain lesions and steroids, but I have gotten back to a place where I can better understand this whole “real life” thing. While I’ve walked away with fewer deficits than feared (ie, I “walked away”), returning sharper alongside my cognition has been the fatigue so heavy my very thoughts feel weighted. I genuinely want more than anything, for example, to accomplish everything I put on a Daily To-Do List in the morning before, say, bedtime. More and more of my day ends up needing to “just sit down for a minute” that turns into 30, 45 minutes, maybe more…

  • Sometimes it’s just the pain from spondylosis making standing difficult
  • Sometimes I’ve changed the direction of my body too quickly or too many consecutive times
  • Sometimes it’s the soft wig of brain fog precipitated by loss of motor skills (I consider it an aura when I can no longer safely lift and wash flatware from the sink)
  • Sometimes my legs have “checked out.”
  • Sometimes it is any combination of the above.
  • Sometimes it is any combination of the above plus any other basic, negative physiological ailment (headaches, constipation, et al)

/bitch-n-moan

With the framed-for-auction poster I designed at P&A's gala.

With the framed-for-auction poster I designed at P&A’s gala.

Do I need… strike that, I NEED A GRATITUDE ADJUSTMENT!

  • I am grateful to be done living on any kind of ‘roid.
  • I am grateful to have made it to the gala where a framed poster I designed was auctioned for charity.
  • I am grateful to be going to my best friend’s wedding in less than a month!
  • I am grateful for legs less affected by Amantadine-induced Livedo Reticularis.
  • I am grateful for paid bills and groceries in the kitchen.
  • I am grateful for homemade Saag on the stove for tonight’s dinner, and
  • I am grateful for the raw cashews I’ve roasted to make Lara Bars.
  • I am grateful for a wife who becomes more precious to me every day, and with whom I can build a life that’s true.
  • I am grateful for a family that, too, keeps increasing with value in a way that never implies they had less the day before.
  • I am grateful for lists. All of the kinds of lists.
  • I am grateful for coming back to life when I hadn’t even realized it was seeping.
  • And I am grateful that that last statement made me remember to call a plumber.
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  1. You are awesome.

  2. Your insights are beautiful.

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