The Learning Pendulum

~1m walked, a dozen posters hung

~1m walked, a dozen posters hung

Yesterday while driving across town from a street on which I’d just walked the length to drop off posters, a heavy ball settled in my gut as though its motion, otherwise subtle in its propulsion, suddenly became evident by an unexpected rest. Everything felt right. I had just spent the day walking boldly through sunny shopping centers with a small stack of posters under my arm, smiling with genuine cheerfulness, talking to strangers without anything embarrassing coming to pass, and, now, driving a car safely and well.

In last night’s Adaptive Yoga class, I got to assist again. I felt strong and capable and nearly left in tears because of that. I can’t find a way to accurately, but not awkwardly, convey how much this class means to me

The day before, I’d spoken with a new Functional Medicine practicioner at length about how to continue these positive changes. I’ve done pretty dang good for myself as an MS patient coming into the sunlit side of neurological crisis without having had any doctor’s care in a year. I feel like my cognition is finally getting back to its baseline (although, let’s be honest, it’s fundamentally impossible to know everything I now leave behind). I then also made dinner, did the dishes, some laundry, and spent 20 minutes in the front yard on some simple labor that resulted in ZERO new injuries.

duchamp4Everything good that happens to me right now feels like a record-skipping visit from Santa that keeps happening. I feel hope in getting — being — better. Science is easy to understand again and I am excited instead of fearful to keep learning. This is the pendulum of things swinging, and I am smart enough to again see that; I am smart enough to know that everything could still be lost to me in a moment and that the pendulum’s nature is always in the reverse of itself.

Until whatever circumstance reveals a return, however, I can focus on the problems that do remain while I can also be lucky enough to help other people (what’s the point of getting yourself better without paying it forward? If the airplane is crashing and you put your air mask on first, the very next step is to help others put theirs on as well.)

Maybe I’ll write that coffee table book on local public restrooms (I have seen and judged them all).

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  1. You’re a fucking rock star. Glad you’re doing well. If you or Cat knows of anybody who does adaptive yoga in the Chicago area, please let me know. I end up falling too often when I try to do it alone at home these days. Then again, I’m also full of baby.

      • oligoclonal
      • April 2nd, 2015

      Well it’s just all your fault for being full of baby, then. .-) I’ll speak to Cat when she gets home tonight!

    • Debby LaLima
    • April 3rd, 2015

    You are amazingly amazing and I love your amazefulness!!!!! Love, a Proud Mom

    On Thu, Apr 2, 2015 at 12:11 PM, Properly Referred to as That Stupid

      • oligoclonal
      • April 3rd, 2015

      I just inherited it. 🙂

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